Wild Ride

“Blessed be you, O Lord, who has made me incompetent and useless!” Teresa of Avila, The Book of My Life (1562)

Today while I was doing centering prayer, my mind was doing anything and everything else. It was as disruptive as an unruly colt. I experienced a wild ride as it threw off my prayer word (dwelling-place) and began planning my day and counting all my worries. I guided it gently back to dwelling-place and it bounced the word off its back and into the dust. Over and over again this happened until I finally experienced a tiny bit of peace by sinking into dwelling place, only to have the kitchen timer beep the signal that my centering prayer time was complete.

Who knew centering prayer could land me in the dirt and nearly break my bones? In the chapter called Joyful Abandon from The Book of My Life, Teresa writes—“Blessed be you, O Lord, who has made me incompetent and useless!” My prayer today echoes hers—“Blessed be you, O Lord, who has given me a mind like an unruly colt!”

Some centering prayer days are full of grace and light. Others are like mine was today. This morning the exercise did not seem entirely fruitful, but I got good practice at beginning again. The key for me on days like today is in remembering my centering prayer time is not about whether I am successful at dwelling in a contemplative state but rather whether I am successful at sitting in the chair and returning, returning, returning to the word.

The best thing for me to do now is to thank God, dust myself off and begin centering prayer all over again tomorrow.