All the Courage God Gave Me

"They say that I am an exceptionally brave woman, far braver than most, but I sometimes had to gather all the courage God gave me to show up and pray." Teresa of Avila, The Book of My Life (1562)

For the Shalom Program this month, I am reading Radical Amazement: Contemplative Lessons from Black Holes, Supernovas, and Other Wonders of the Universe by Judy Cannato. The book focuses on how new research in physics shows the universe is more fluid and connected than scientists once believed and that the universe is expanding as it evolves. Cannato begins Radical Amazement with a quote by Rabbi Abraham Heschel: “Awareness of the divine begins with wonder.”

Have you ever felt wonder when you’ve seen a photograph of the earth taken from space? I know I certainly have experienced awe by earth's beauty and the mystery of creation. That bright blue ball with its swirls of white and large chunks of unmarked land is the only home we’ve ever known, and what an amazing thing it is to glimpse our earthly home in the vast darkness of space. Yet how did all this come to be? How did we come to be? No one quite knows, and the work of the scientists continues. In the meantime, contemplatives live in “radical amazement” at all that exists—trusting that the Holy Mystery will continue to be revealed.

Almost 450 years ago Teresa of Avila wrote, “They say that I am an exceptionally brave woman, far braver than most, but I sometimes had to gather all the courage God gave me to show up and pray.” Teresa's reasons for needing courage are different from mine, but I certainly understand the feeling. When I start studying the universe and become alert to all the wonder of the divine, it sometimes causes me to become afraid because the Holy One is so powerful and mysterious. Sometimes I don’t want to connect with God; instead, I’d rather hide. On the days I find myself hiding, it’s more important than ever to follow Teresa’s lead: she looked for all the courage available to her, she sat down in the prayer chair, and she steadfastfully continued to pray.